Gratitude Day 940

Joshua 1:9: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

On May 3, 1981, a thing happened in my life. Something that happened 44 years ago today.

I didn’t get my driver’s license. (It would be a few more years before this happened.) Nor did I discover my first boyfriend.

Actually, this “something” involved my spiritual life.

I confirmed my faith at the Augusta United Methodist Church.

In 1981, I was in eighth grade. For the last two years, three classmates and I meet weekly with Rev. Barnes during the school year. He taught us about the history of the church and John Wesley, the man who started the Methodist movement. In the tradition I am involved, in confirmation, a person “confirms” the promises their parents made on their behalf at baptism. Promises in which the person declares their faith in God and the Holy Trinity. Their belief that God extends us grace to cover all of our sins and shortcomings. We talked about how we would share ourselves with God and our local church. Through confirmation, we publicly shared our desire to declare our belief in God and commit to having God as part of our spiritual lives.

Honestly, I didn’t understand much of this when I was confirmed. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. It had more to do with me not listening or comprehending the information that was shared. At the time confirmation felt more like a rite of passage: an important life event that was what teens my age did. My elder siblings were confirmed. Now it simply was my turn.

Because of a family death, Rev. Barnes was not able to be in worship on Confirmation Sunday. A retired pastor, Rev. Walker, lived in the community. He led worship this day. Actually Rev. Walker was the pastor when I was baptized. I remember my grandma Deaton thinking it was so cool that he lead worship the day I was confirmed.

I think I expected something “special” to happen on my confirmation day. Like, I would suddenly feel closer to God and understand just who God was. I would know for sure that my heart was aligned with God’s and faith would be a constant in my life that I would never question or doubt again. Maybe this happens for some people on their confirmation day. Honestly, it didn’t happen for me. My memory recalls a nice worship service with a dinner at my parent’s house afterwards with a few family and friends. Did I feel any differently on May 4 than I did on May 2? I cannot say that I did.

I did take seriously my commitment to be involved in the local church. I felt that I had a responsibility to give back to the church because I was now a member. As a teen, I participated in a variety of activities and leadership roles at this church. My first “official” public speaking role (outside of 4-H) happened here. I served because, well, that was the commitment I had made. I watched my parents serve in a variety of roles, inside and outside of the church, and this is the example I followed.

It took years, and I literally mean YEARS before I began to understand the true meaning of confirmation. What a personal relationship with Jesus looked like. When I left for college, I drug the Bible that my parents gave to me on Confirmation Sunday with me. But let’s be honest. Basically it collected a lot of dust. After college, I became involved in a church and volunteered for a variety of roles. I dated a guy for awhile who questioned why I was so involved at my church. My response spoke more about “this is what I am supposed do” than understanding that living one’s faith means loving God and your neighbor as an expression of your faith … and this is the basis for service within a faith community.

Nearly 30 years old, I signed up for a Bible study where I begin to see what confirming one’s faith really represents. This time around, I read a significant part of the Bible. I began to hear God’s promises over and over. I saw God’s presence as a major thread through humanity for thousands of years, as well as my own life. Faith was no longer something I understood just in my head; faith now became much more personal and something in my heart. Faith wasn’t just a topic to talk about. Faith became something that I felt in the very depth of my being.

Then faith took a different role in my life. I felt different, allowed faith to affect choices that I made and wanted to let God into all the areas of my life. For years, I was what I would call a really good pew Christian: someone who sat in the pew week after week. I gave, I served, I shared my gifts. Now God became more involved in daily decision making. I felt that I had significant free will in my choices. A poor choice wasn’t God’s responsibility. It was mine. I knew there were many times when I made a choice that might not have fully honored God. This happens daily and I still struggle with letting God and others know about this less than stellar decisions. Now I prayed earnestly for others and myself. I realized that if God was going to be a part of my life, then God needed to be involved in all areas of my life. Period. As much as I sometimes want to keep God at an arm’s distance from certain areas of my life, faith encourages me to let God, and sometimes others, see all of my warts. Especially when I don’t want to.

This is the time of year when many teens “confirm” their faith. They reaffirm the baptismal vows that their parents made for them earlier. They make promises to assume responsibility for their own spiritual journey. Too often, we think of confirmation as the end of the spiritual education phase of our lives. We’ve been given the information we need and now, we go out into the world as a person who has confirmed their faith.

Truth? Confirmation is not a once-in-a-lifetime decision. It’s a daily decision that we chose to make daily. Today, I will decide how close I want to feel to God. Whether I want to expose those ugly parts of myself. If faith will be a stumbling block or a part of my life that helps me find comfort and peace. Some days, it feels a bit easier. Other days? Not so much. And yes, there are days when it just feels like a bit too much effort.

Until. Until I remember this one thing: no matter where you are in your spiritual journey, you don’t have to know everything there is to know about God. It ain’t going to happen. And this is OK. Let there be doubts. Let there be confusion. Let there be explanations that aren’t possible. Because this is the life of faith.

How do we do faith on a daily basis? Give yourself some space and opportunity to know God on a personal level. As a friend. As one of those people you turn to when you’re having a rotten day and you need a shoulder to cry on as well, as well as on those great days that you really want someone to celebrate something super cool that happened in your life. Let God be one of these people who you turn to.

God doesn’t promise easy lives if we profess our faith in God. God doesn’t remove every hardship or challenge that comes our way. These are not guaranteed when we walk with God. What God does assure of us is that we don’t ever have to be alone. And this, my friends, is Good News.

Today, we all have an opportunity to confirm our faith in God. We can do this anywhere. I invite you to speak with God for a bit today. Share your heart. Let go of your fears and disappointments. Will you feel closer to God if you do? I can’t say for sure. What I can say is that if you do this day after day after day, maybe something inside of you will begin to slowly change. As you allow God to see more of your life, you will discover opportunities to include God in more of your life.

Spiritual journeys aren’t always about earthquake events. Yes, they can be. More often, spiritual journeys are taking a few small steps forward, followed by a leap back, more small steps forward followed by something that causes backslide. Our spiritual lives are not a sprint. They are a marathon.

I pray you “confirm” your faith in God this day, even if you aren’t fully sure what this means. Confirm to love God and neighbor with every thread of your being. Agree to share some of your special gifts with the rest of God’s kingdom. And commit to seeking God out more in your daily life.

For the opportunity to discover God and confirm my faith, I am grateful.

Blessings –

Dianne

Dear God – thank you for being patient with us as we explore faith and what it means to us. May we explore this journey together. Amen.

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