Romans 15:13 – May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Gratitude Day 903

I did not grow up in one of those families where feelings where easily expressed.

Nope. That was not my blueprint.

Feelings were anything but simple.

My parents were not very comfortable sharing their emotions because they were raised not to do so. Telling other people how you felt or that you loved them didn’t happened on a regular basis. Yes, I was taught to say, “Please,” and “Thank you” and “I appreciate your help” to other people. But sharing it with those who lived in the same household?

Not as much.

My blueprint for how to deal with our feelings happened most often in one of two ways: feelings were expressed in such a way that EVERYONE knew something was wrong or they were pushed as far down as possible and hidden from everyday life.

My family often embraced a mid-west nice attitude, in which we often kept our thoughts to ourselves. We were taught to be kind, considerate and helpful. Truthfully, I do think these last teachings are important and remain a great way to treat one another.

When I was a young adult, my paternal grandfather passed away very unexpectedly. He experienced an aneurysm and only lived a few hours. Early that day, he walked with my grandmother at the mail, ate a hamburger for lunch and did the normal things. It was the middle of January and during an extremely cold stretch of weather. Interestingly, his death seemed to thaw our family’s willingness to be more open. Slowly, hugs became more acceptable. We even might share that we loved one another.

Nearly 25 years ago, Hubby Rick’s eldest son died in a snowmobiling accident. We had just been dating a few months, so I was still learning the ropes of what was acceptable and not acceptable within his family. Immediately after Nate’s death, saying you loved another person as you walked out the door or at the end of a phone conversation became the norm. This is how Hubby Rick and I live today. We are intentional in sharing on some level how we feel.

Yet, it still remains a challenge for me to share exactly how I feel about something. I am not one of those open-book people, where others knows how I feel. I tend to share my feelings and emotions in more controlled environments: with people I know and trust and within places where I think it’s safe.  I am much more comfortable asking someone else how they feel about something than spilling my guts.

Sharing my feelings is often anything but simple.

I’ve spent so much of my life trying to keep my feelings in check. I refrain for getting really upset or telling someone just what I think because I carefully guard how I even let myself think about my feelings. If I ignore how I feel, then I don’t have to deal with them. Right?

Wrong.

This is a challenge for so many people. If we don’t address a disappointment, grief, how we feel let down, eventually, it will disappear. Right?

Wrong.

I admire people who are comfortable enough with themselves to share how they feel. Amazingly, it is possible to express our feelings without hurting or offending others. We can be honest and tactful and humble and transparent in sharing how our brains and hearts feel without doing damage. Unfortunately, it often appears easier to do it the hurtful way more than the helpful way and so this became the go-to way that some share.

We are complex beings. We have something like 60,000 thoughts a day. And yes, most of those thoughts will have a feeling or an emotion attached to them, if we allow ourselves to feel them. What is maybe even more challenging is accepting that feelings can co-exist in our brains and our hearts. Emotions ARE to create a feeling inside of us. We just need to give ourselves permission to feel all the things and not be critical when our emotions actually bubble up.

Can we give ourselves permission to let ourselves sit with how we feel about something? In the end, it really is more helpful than trying to bury and hide them. When we sequester them into a place where we think they are carefully hidden, they only fester and become like an old scab that we pick at and it starts to bleed again. We drag around bags and bags of baggage that bog us down, thinking this is better than being honest with ourselves.

Lately, I am encouraging myself to write about how I feel. The joys and happiness of my life as well as the challenges and disappointments I experience. If we observe one, it’s super important that we listen to both sides of what happens in our lives. This doesn’t have to be a long process but just a quick check-in. Or you could do this with another person. My friend Mary shares how her family talks about three things at the end of the day:

A thorn from the day – something that wasn’t the greatest from the day.

A bud from the day – something that is growing and changing in your life.

A rose from the day – something to celebrate.

This is such a great framework and one that I encourage you to share within your family on a daily basis. But go one step further: not only recall the event from you life but also share how you feel about it.

Feelings are complicated. Difficult. Not easy to navigate. But they don’t have to be scary or daunting. In fact, when we open ourselves up to the opportunity to share some of how we feel, it will encourage others to become more honest with themselves and each other. When we create and honor little circles where we can share our feelings and emotions, we begin to see that these things hold less of a threat in our lives.

Changing how we deal with our feelings and emotions won’t change overnight. Just think of how many years of experience you have of dragging these feelings around with you. Wouldn’t you rather leave them behind and treat yourself with compassion and kindness instead?

If we look closely at the Gospel accounts, we see that Jesus had a wide range of emotions. He wept. He laughed. He provided safe spaces for others to openly share how they felt. And yes, even Jesus shared tactfully exactly how we felt about certain situations. He saw hurting people and took time to hear how they felt about what was going on in their lives. He gave them permission to know what they knew and felt what they felt.

 Friends – feelings are often anything but simple. They get convoluted with what others say, what they think and how they respond to us. We often react to situations based on what has happened to us historically. Feelings are very real in our bodies. They react just like our minds and hearts do. And time can be our friend and our foe when it comes to appreciating our feelings. Sometimes, we think we don’t move on fast enough. Other times, we get stuck in a circular spiral of not knowing how to deal with how we honestly feel about a tough situation.

May I encourage you to begin with being honest about your feelings? If only to yourself? When you are feeling out of sorts and when you are feeling joy, pause and notice exactly what you are feeling. Where it sits in your body. And honor these emotions before moving on. Jesus offers a wonderful example of doing this in his life. He embraced the community of the Trinity – the Father, Son and Holy Spirit – to guide his emotions and his feelings. Grant yourself the same opportunity and share how you feel with a trusted person. Doing these small steps over and over will provide you a blueprint that honoring your feelings is just as important and necessary as treating a headache. They are real. They need a place to be. And yes, they affect YOU.

Possibly, doing just these few things will bring you a bit more peace in your life. If you yearn for this peace, this safe place to be with God, I encourage you to try sharing your anything-but-simple feelings with God as well. You might be surprised how doing so draws you closer to the One who created you, sustains you through God’s son and yearns to bring you comfort.

For realizing that my feelings are important and valuable, I am very grateful.

Blessings –

Dianne

Holy God – Sometimes, admitting that I have feelings feels difficult and too hard. Other times, it seems I can’t keep my emotions in check. Thank you for gifting me with a wide range of emotions and feelings. Allow myself permission to see these as gifts from You and that embracing them draws me closer to You and allows me to know myself better. May I see Jesus’ example of how he embraced his feelings as a wonderful way to embrace mine. Amen.

Check out these other posts that address what we feel:

Does it Matter How I Feel? by Sharla Hallett

When Emotions Feel Too Big by Ashley Olivine

Leashes of Responsibility: Feeling My Dog’s Anxiety and My Own Need for Control by Lisa Crowder

https://lisacrowder.substack.com/p/leashes-of-responsibility-feeling-need-for-control

Looking for a bit of daily inspiration? Check out my daily affirmation posts on Facebook (Dianne Deaton Vielhuber and Simple Words of Faith) or on Instagram (diannedeatonvielhuber.)

If you have enjoyed this blog, please pass it along to someone else who will also enjoy it.

Blessings –

Dianne